Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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