She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
