I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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