Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
