Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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