i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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