You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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