i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
