I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
