Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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