Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
