Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My feet surprised me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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