Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
