Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
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I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
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First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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