God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
