Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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