The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
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Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My vagina just clenched in fear
I need to align my fucking chakras
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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