Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
