she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
