can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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