Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
