is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
