i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
The ass gains better be worth it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
