these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
pop tarts are not kleenex
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
