why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
