1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
