Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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