Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
