Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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