I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
