I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
