So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
