I am in a vortex of obligation.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
