I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
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I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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