She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
