No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
