I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
