I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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