Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
