He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
