xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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