never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
