I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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