Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
