look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
