The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
