shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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