capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
