I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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