arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Someone came in the potted fern
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
