I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
