Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
