remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
