yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
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its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
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He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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