I think im going to throw up on grandma
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
