Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i think i have two assholes
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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