Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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