he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
