He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
