cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
