Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
