I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
