he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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