I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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