And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
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I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
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He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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