absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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