i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
