If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I could make wine with my vomit
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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