I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Let's get the cat blown out
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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