An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
