Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
